Think Hard

We listen to views that make us feel good, instead of ideas that make us think hard. ~Adam Grant, Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know

Oh my God, when was the last time I truly thought hard? About anything? I’ve been in a reactive and spin-worthy headspace for so long, that getting back to any kind of intentional thought will now require conscious, gritty, and, frankly, uncomfortable work that I’m not sure I’m up for.

Real talk: we all over-dwell in our headspace. We think and re-think things all the time. But most of these thoughts are at the surface level. Safe. Expected. Predictable patterns with a defined cast of characters who all know their lines and don’t need an understudy. We don’t willingly dive into the depths because we know those characters, those lines won’t work there. We sense it is a place where we must think hard, all the freaking time, and we don’t feel up to the task. Or are straight-up scared to even go there in the first place (me).

No, thanks, we say, I prefer to stay where things “feel” good, where I know what’s expected, where I know the next step in the pas-de deux with my partner of the moment, who is waiting for me, with rising impatience, to take the step already, although I have to ask, do I really feel good? Or is all of this supposed to make us feel good, and we all suspect, with growing unease, that in fact, it does not make us feel good in any way? That we have no idea what that even looks and/or feels like anymore?

Yes.

I am on a spiritual journey that is unlike anything I’ve experienced before. I’m hard into the “woo-woo” space, and the people I’m encountering, the topics I’m learning about and discussing, while all intriguing and necessary for my growth today, are also making me super uncomfortable. More like edgy and bitchy. Confronting long-held beliefs and expectations (ancestral baggage, if you believe that stuff) is highly uncomfortable, and I have moments where I wish I could go back to focusing more on what made me feel good. I’d even settle for sorta feels good on those days.

But those things don’t appeal or apply as much any more. The convenient blame is COVID, but it’s really more about being in my 40s. I’m rocking the silver hair because I got tired of the time, maintenance, and expense, and have had acne/rosacea…